These days I don’t often post “large” photos but I quite like how this one turned out. I can’t really explain what it is that I like about it but there is something.
Technically speaking there are many things which could be improved on in this shot but heck, it’s really about the level of satisfaction I have from it. That’s exactly what I should keep in mind with my thesis, no PhD (I think) will ever be a perfect work but it has to be something I’m satisfied with. It’s kind of hard to keep in mind when there are always things which could be better and should have been done differently and this and that. Alas.
And this whole entry was not started to show off the bunny, once again. It was started so I could get rid of some of my pent up frustration.
I am *this* close to actually knowing down the last detail the contribution (“to science/the field”) I’d like to make with my PhD. It’s great because I know where I’m coming from and where I’m going and I have the theoretical background all set. The problem is that now I have to set it into stone by writing more journal papers… and that’s where things get complicated. Conference paper? No problem! I can get one written in a matter of hours if I already have the case study/test case and some results. But journal paper? Yeah, I am more than certain that I have all that it takes to write meaningful ones, heck I have technically two finished ones (one already published, one not… and we still have to work on the changes) but dammit it’s a long process and it kind of scares me.
Right now everything is in multiple places, it’s inside my head, in one of my half-dozen notebooks, in one of my multiple files on one of the computers, it’s on random pieces of paper floating around on my desk, in my bag or in my room, it’s in the shape of full sentences, key phrases or even single words jotted down in the notes app on my ipod. It’s everywhere but where I want it to be which, in the end, is a paper good enough for a journal and a damn good journal at that (some people dream of Nature, I’m not there yet, I dream of JMD).
This is also why I’m aiming for a “composite” thesis than a monograph-block-thing. I cannot see myself writing down coherently 100+ pages about a single subject with one meaningful conclusion at the end. (It also doesn’t help that I have a few papers published which have little to do with my final thesis topic but heck they were very interesting to work on)
I promised myself I’d get those two journal papers done by the end of the year. I also promised to write a conference paper which is due in November and one which is due in January. In a way I wish I could pretend that I didn’t have my topic/knowledge in check and that I still need more time but heck when I see just how lost some people are in their PhDs, I tell myself that I’m rather well along!
So yeah, that’s my “niargh” and there will be many more “niargh” before I get to be called “doctor”… which can only happen before (or around) my 26th birthday if I get those articles done this year and if I settle everything else this spring. Yes, I am giving myself more than six moths to settle all bureaucratic and administrative stuff, I have very little faith in that system. And then I’ll take like a month off without feeling guilty, unless something exciting comes along then and there really is no time to take a month off.